I came across this one a few weeks ago but was unable to reach
the author (it seems that his account has been cracked five times
in the last three weeks, and his e-mail is currently down). I'm
posting C&C here hoping that he'll be able to read it.


>                         Pika pi Pikachu
>                                                pika Pikachu

I love this title!

>     "Pi pika pi pi Pikachu," Pikachu pika pika.
> 
>     "Pika..." pi pika pi.
> 
>     Pika pi, pi pi pikachu pi pika pika. Pika pi, Pikachu pika
> pi, pikachu pika. Pikachu, pi pi pika. Pika pi.
> 
>     "Pikachu pika pi! Pika pi pikachu," Pikachu pika.
> 
>     "Pika pi?" Pikachu pi pi.
> 
>     "Pi pika pika, pikachu pika pi," pi pika.
> 
>     Pikachu pika pi, pi pika pikachu. Pika pika, pi pi, pika
> pikachu pi. Pika pi, pikachu pika pika pi. Pi pika pi pika.
> Pikachu pika pi, pi pika pikachu pika pi. Pika pi pi, pikachu
> pika, pika pika, pi pi. Pikachu pika.


I think

pikachu pika pi -> pika pika pi

is a bit clearer. Nice imagery, BTW.


>     "Pikachu!" Pikachu pikachu.
> 
>     "Pika?" pika pi.
> 
>     "Pikachu pika, pik pi? Pika pikachu pi," pi pi pika.

LOL!

>     Pi pika pika, pikachu pika pi. Pika pika pika, pi pikachu
> pika. Pika pikachu pi, pi pika, pika pi, pikachu pika. Pikachu
> pika pi, pi pi...
> 
>     Pikachu pika pika, pi, pikachu pi pika pika, pi pi, pikachu
> pi, pika pi pi pika, pikachu pikachu pi. Pika pikachu pi pi pika
> pikachu. Pikachi pika pi, pika pika pi, Pikachu pi pika. Pikachu
> pika pi, pi pi, pika pikachu pi. Pikachi pika pi, pika pika
> pika, pikachu pi, pikachu pika pika pi pika pi pika pikachu
> pi. Pika pikachu pi, Pikachu pika pika, pi pi pika, pikachu
> pika pi, Pikachu pi pi pika pika, pika pikachu pi, Pikachu pi
> pika pikachu pi.

Pikachi -> Pikachu

You have a run-on sentence at the end. I understand what you are
trying to do, though. Pika indeed! ^o^

>     "Pika pi, pikachu pikachu pi, pika pika pi, pikachu pika,"
> Pikachu pika, pika pika, pika pikachu.
> 
>     "Pika! Pika! Pikachu pika!" pika pi, Pikachu pika pikachu.
> 
>     "Pikachu!"
> 
>     "Pika pika?"
> 
>     "Pikachu pikachu!"
> 
>     "Pikaaaa," pika pikachu pi, pika pika.

Um, I'm not sure if people will figure this one out, it's a
rather obscure reference, don't you think? Although if you
get the in-joke it really pays off!

>     Pikachu pika pi, pika pika pi, pi pika pikachu Pikachu pi
> pi, pika pi, pika. Pika, pika pi, pika, pika pikachu pi Pikachu,
> pika pi. Pikachu pika pi:
> 
>     "Pika," pika Pikachu.
> 
>     "Pika," pika pi Pikachu, "pika pi, 'pika pi' Pikachu pika
> pi."
> 
>     "Pika pi!"
> 
>     "Pika?"
> 
>     "Pika!"
> 
>     "Pikaaaaa," pika Pikachu pika pi. "Pika?"

Brilliant!

>     "Pika. Pika pika. Pika," pika Pikachu pi.
> 
>     Pika pika, pikachu pi, Pikachu pika pika, pikachu pi pika,
> pika pi pikachu, pi pika pikachu. Pikachu pika, pi pi, pi, pika
> pi. Piak, pika pi, pika pikachu pi. Pikachu Pikachu pika pi, pika
> pika pikachu pika. Pika.

Piak -> Pika (hint: spell checker! ;)

>     "Pikachu pika," Pikachu pika pika, pika pika.
> 
>     "Pi," pika pi, "pi..."
> 
>     Pika pi, pikachu pika. Pika Pikachu pi pi, pika pikachu.
> Pikachu pika pika, pi pi, pika pika, pi pikachu. Pi pika
> pikachu. Pi pika pikachu pika pi. Pikachu pika pi pi, pi pika,
> pika pi pikachu, pi pi. Pikachu pika pi, pika pi, pikachu pika
> pi, Pikachu pika pi. Pika pika, pikachu pika pi, Pikachu pika,
> pi pika pikachu, pi pi pika pika.

A thesaurus should come in handy here. For example:

pika -> pi
pika -> pikachu

>     "Pika pikachu pi," Pikachu pi, pika pika. "Pikachu?"
> 
>     "Pikachu pika pi, pika pi pika," Pikachu pika, pika.
> 
>     "Pi..." Pikachu pika.
> 
>     "Pi... pika!" Pikachu pika pika.
> 
>     "Pikachu!" Pikachu.

[Sniff!] That's so beautiful!

>     Pika pikachu pi. Pika pika, pikachu pika pi. Pikachu pika
> pika, pikachu pikachu. Pika pi, pikachu pika. Pika pika pika,
> Pikachu pika pikachu pi, pi pika, pi pika. Pikachu pi pika. Pika
> pikachu pi. Pi pi, pika pika, pikachu pi pika. Pika pika. Pika pi.
> 
>                             Pika

pikachu -> Pikachu


Overall comments:

A great little fic. I laughed, I cried, what can I say? I did
feel the ending was a bit rushed, but fine nonetheless. I also
think that Pikachu was a little OOC, and that Pikachu shouldn't
have said that to Pikachu, because it hurt Pikachu's feelings.
After all, Pikachu could have found out some other way
(reading Pikachu's letter, for example). On the other hand I was
able to suspend disbelief thanks to the conciseness of the story
and the dynamic, flowing style. In the end it all works out
nicely, I'll certainly be looking forward to a sequel!

Cheers!

_________________________________
marco@chinook.physics.utoronto.ca
Gunnm: Broken Angel
http://128.100.80.13/marco/alita.html